I would give anyone £10 if they can honestly say that a few ‘likes’ on social media hasn’t improved their self-esteem. We are all in the habit of posting new hair and makeup selfies, or in my case, endless photos of my pets.
What about when our self-esteem revolves around social media, though? I have always been a sensitive soul, but I will often find myself taking my lack of ‘likes’ to heart, seeing it as a reflection on me as a person. Just like my dizziness ‘evidences’ my belief that I will pass out in public, the number of ‘likes’ on my posts in comparison to those of others tells me that they are, well, better than me.
X’s post was liked ten times, whereas mine was only liked twice, and by the same two people as always. Why? That little ‘chatterbox’ at the back of my mind will tell me that it is because I am worthless. Paranoia will continue to sink its claws in a little deeper as I come to believe that people are bored of my statuses and comments, that they are insulting me behind my back, only keeping me as a ‘friend’ to laugh at me. Consequently, I will be led further into the grasps of the black dog, comparing my own life to theirs, and fundamentally deleting the post.
I will remind myself of where I am now, and what I and am missing out on as a result of my illnesses. Nights out, holidays, a family, and a close friendship circle – the list seems endless. And all of this stems from a simple click of the mouse.
I have often found myself deactivating my accounts because of this in order to ensure that my mental wellbeing remains a priority. When the black dog rears its ugly head, intrusive thoughts and suicidal urges are rife enough, without the added pressure of social media. In my opinion, there is nothing worse than having others wave their ‘seemingly perfect’ lives in your face, though I am fully aware that we are all facing our own difficulties, and it is easy to put on a front for others.
Loosening the Chains of Mental Illness 