1. Apologising – We all make mistakes, none of us are perfect, but what about when, like me, you find yourself apologising for everything? Stop it. Stop it now. Own your own mistakes, not those of others.
2. Isolating yourself – When I can feel a mood dip coming on because of my borderline personality disorder I will instantly isolate myself, ignoring everyone, it’s the one mechanism I can adopt to ensure my safety.
My brain will turn to mush and my voice will slur, making the formation of sentences near on impossible, let alone understanding what others are saying.
Despite this, I also understand that isolating myself will have a negative impact on my mental health – it’s a catch 22. So, if and when you do find yourself in the same situation, set yourself daily goals – even if it is to contact a friend via message or taking a 10 minute walk, you will reap the benefits, believe me.
3. Feeling guilty – While I understand that our loved ones are trying their best to help, often they can either be the cause of this or worsen it. An example of this is their upset over your cancelling plans.
With borderline personality disorder comes a rollercoaster of emotions, and the tendency for your mood to dip at the drop of a hat. Depression can hit you with a wave of emotions, though not quite as rapidly. So when plans are made you can feel okay, but that can soon change.
Then comes the anxiety, which takes all our effort and willpower to still function with, let alone doing something outside of our comfort zone.
If you have to cancel then so be it, you must always put your mental health first. Do not feel guilty, or allow others to make you feel so.
4. Self-comparison – Sadly this comes naturally. We see someone with the latest phone or wearing more expensive designer clothes, as examples, and instantly we compare ourselves to them. All I can say here is that we need to own ourselves, our flaws included. If we are unhappy with something then it needs to be changed, not used as a means of punishing ourselves.
5. Surrounding yourself with negativity – Negative people (and this includes family, negative surroundings, and a job you’re unhappy in)- have a clear out.
6. Social media – Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, Pinterest – our whole lives revolve around social media, something that I have previously blogged about https://lifeontheborderline.video.blog/2018/12/22/the-curse-of-the-social-media-like/
7. Self-doubt – I cannot lie and say that I am the most confident of people, but I also know this is something that I need to work on. We all have strengths that need to be put to good use, and we all have weaknesses that could be worked on. With achievement comes confidence, but we have to take the leap first.
8. Negative self-talk – Whether said out loud, or just a passing thought, If you do feel said emotions then counteract this by praising your self with something, a quality or an achievement. You’re fighting a difficult battle, don’t add to it, stand strong and be proud of yourself.
9. People pleasing – Something else that comes with borderline personality disorder. We all want to be liked, but, sadly, not everyone we come across will do so, and that’s okay.
Don’t sacrifice your health to alter people’s perceptions of you – if they like you then they are meant to play a part in your life, if not then so be it.
10. Settling – We all have goals in life, be it personal or career-wise. Your dream is to become a vet, but you don’t feel that you can complete the degree, so instead you settle for the regular 9 to 5 to have a wage.
Is it not worth living on a low income for a short while for your own happiness? I was the stereotypical poor student at university, I still am actually, but I wouldn’t now be completing a PhD without having done so.